35 rules to live by in the business world:

1. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

2. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

3. Most projects require three hands.

4. A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

5. If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.

6. The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block is how soon you see it.

7. Progress can mean that things are getting worse at a slower rate.

8. A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

9. If you stand in one place long enough, you'll form a line.

10. Exceptions always outnumber rules.

11. Works of genius are made up of others' rejected thoughts.

12. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.

13. Confusion creates jobs.

14. If you don't know what you're doing, at least do it neatly.

15. The #1 cause of problems is solutions.

16. Two monologues do not make a dialogue.

17. It's always the wrong time of the month.

18. For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.

19. When they want it bad, they get it bad.

20. It isn't that they can't see the solution; it's that they can't see the problem.

21. If you understand it, it's obsolete.

22. Multitasking lets you screw up several things at once.

23. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

24. It's socially irresponsible to allow fools to keep their money.

25. Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing.

26. If you're coasting, you're going downhill.

27. One of the greatest labor-saving inventions today is tomorrow.

28. There are three types of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.

29. If there is light at the end of the tunnel, someone will order more tunnel.

30. People will believe anything if you whisper it.

31. It's impossible to build a foolproof system, because fools are smarter than you think.

32. Two rules to success in life: 1) Don't tell people everything you know.

33. Teamwork allows you to blame someone else.

34. Always use spell chekc.

35. You can never do more than you don't do.