When you’re rich and famous, the last thing you’re thinking about is collecting a meager fee to do some public speaker. Right? Well, that’s what I thought, until I started digging around a little and found out that there are a great many celebrities and “celebrities” who are more than happy to pimp themselves out for make-it-rain money.

Some of these speakers are currently famous, some of them used to be famous and some probably shouldn’t have ever been famous in the first place. Because there are so many celebrities/”celebrities” who do this, I had a hard time choosing just ten for this list. But, I’m nothing if not diligent, so here for you are the top ten celebrities who pimp themselves out as public speakers.

10) Alan Thicke

PRICE: $10,001 - $20,000
MESSAGE: Alan Thicke speaks about how to deal with family members who are stricken with significant illness.
VERDICT: Gotta do it!

Alan Thicke, the lovable father on "Growing Pains" and former "Playgirl" cover model, will pimp himself out to talk about topics that have nothing to do with "Growing Pains" or "Playgirl." However, he also wrote the theme songs for "Diff'rent Strokes" and "The Facts of Life," so obviously he is worth the price.

 

9) David Hasselhoff

PRICE: Contact booking agent
MESSAGE: David Hasselhoff will speak about celebrities and television personalities.
VERDICT: Pass on it

While David Hasselhoff, Germany's favorite recording artist and marginal American celebrity, will be happy to take your money in exchange for hearing him speak about being a celebrity, he's also filthy rich and may find himself sober longer enough to realize he doesn't need the money and not show up.

 

8) Stephen Baldwin

PRICE: $30,000
MESSAGE: Stephen Baldwin will speak about celebrity and business, while also trying to inspire and motivate you.
VERDICT: Gotta do it!

Stephen Baldwin, Evangelical Christian and younger brother of Alec Baldwin, is worth the money, because he starred in "The Usual Suspects," so you can ask him about Benicio Del Toro.

 

7) Dana Carvey

PRICE: $100,000 and above
MESSAGE: Dana Carvey will talk about anything involving celebrity, humor and entertainment.
VERDICT: Pass on it

Dana Carvey is an SNL alum and the actor best known for not being Mike Meyers. You should pass on him, because, for $100,000, I'm not convinced he knows anything about celebrity, humor and entertainment.

 

6) Nick Cannon

PRICE: Contact booking agent
MESSAGE: Nick Cannon will talk about being a comedian.
VERDICT: Gotta do it!

Nick Cannon, who, along with being Mariah Carey's husband, is best known for any number of TV shows I've never watched. This is worth the money, whatever the price, as you will have a chance to tease him about his exponentially more famous wife in the hopes of making him cry.

 

5) Tom Bergeron

PRICE: $20,001 to $30,000
MESSAGE: Tom Bergeron will talk about being a TV personality.
VERDICT: Gotta do it!

Tom Bergeron is the host of "Dancing with the Stars," which means he spends a crazy amount of time around hot, Eastern European dancers. This one is totally worth it because, if you're lucky, he'll let you smell his finger.

 

4) Alec Baldwin

PRICE: Contact booking agent
MESSAGE: Alec Baldwin will talk about being a celebrity and an actor.
VERDICT: Pass on it

While Alec Baldwin, an awarding-winning Broadway and film actor, might speak at your event just to spite the #8 speaker on this list, it's still best to pass, because he will probably flake the moment he remembers he is a still a legitimately big star.

 

3) Simon Cowell

PRICE: $100,000 and above
MESSAGE: Simon Cowell will talk about business, celebrity and reality TV.
VERDICT: Pass on it

Simon Cowell, former judge on "American Idol," is most famous for crushing the dreams of would-be pop stars, so this is a pass, because he may very well crush whatever dreams you have before he's done.

 

2) Donald Trump

PRICE: $100,000 and above
MESSAGE: Donald Trump will talk about business, marketing and celebrity.
VERDICT: Gotta do it!

Donald Trump, reality estate millionaire and reality TV star, fooled about five or six people into thinking he might run for president in 2012, so you've got to book him just to tell him what a tool he is to his face.

 

1) The Ultimate Warrior

PRICE: Contact booking agent
MESSAGE: In his own words: "Words are the tools of thought that mean the ideas in and of existence, ourselves and the universe we exist in."
VERDICT: Gotta do it!

The Ultimate Warrior is a former World Wrestling Federation superstar who is best known for his unintelligible interviews. Honestly, if I had a whole bunch of money that I didn't need, I would use a good portion of it paying The Ultimate Warrior to give a motivational speech. Watch the video below and see why you should do the same.